


A Night Owl's Guide to Trolls - The Grand Finale

by Lusey



Series: Night Owls and Other Works [3]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Guys this is just an archive of my joke chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 21:38:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14554074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lusey/pseuds/Lusey
Summary: "Who could have seen this coming?"Posted April 1st, 2018To those who want to relive the glory of kiss-assisted alien implosion in your trollhunters tag





	A Night Owl's Guide to Trolls - The Grand Finale

Everything had gone to shit.

The project had been an easy distraction for Varia, who worked tirelessly as the real threat lingered deep beneath Arcadia. Ancient trolls who wished freedom. Angry, out for blood, horny. Just, like, absolutely smothered in horns. The great evil stirred, seeking freedom from his prison as the Trollhunter narrowly escaped his clutches and his armies. He longed for the night sky, roaring in rage and fire with every day that the human in the Darklands was not his.

 

But Gunmar was not who brought the end times.

 

They came from the sky. White and dazzling, in silver ships emblazoned with decals that to any other world would read out as quite vulgar. To the people of earth, they were angels. But they were merely pirates from beyond our star, seeking great harvest. Earth was bountiful, even after all that humans had done to it, and they intended to collect.

 

Varia ran through the streets in a panic. The visitors had come at night, and she'd called frantically, desperately, for her closest friend in all the land to come to her aid. Lumbering out of the woods came Draal, ignored by the other panicked humans, who seemed too focused on the terrible, fiery sky to notice him.

"What's wrong," he asked. "What is this?"

"You're saying you know nothing about this shit?" She demanded.

"About what?"

"ALIENS, man!" Varia shouted, voice rising. "Look, I can believe trolls and magic and shit, but  _aliens!?_ That's where I draw the line. What the  _fuck_ man."

 

Draal growled, but he too was just as shocked and confused as she, and they looked up to the invaders together. They seemed to take notice, and one ship, grander and gaudier than the rest, descended like it was the Saint to rule all Saints. It watched them, whatever was inside, massive and terrible, and Varia and Draal stared back. Suddenly, Varia perked, and looked to Draal with wide eyes.

"I read about this! I know what to do!" She turned to face him, her face getting a little too determined for Draal's liking. "Draal, I know you hate human customs, but trust me on this. We need to kiss.  **Right** _._ **NOW.** "

"What?!" He roared back, taking a step back. "Fleshbag, I hardly know you!"

"This isn't the time!" She pleaded, "Aliens can't comprehend kissing, it's the ultimate human act of love and it makes their heads explode!"

 

There was a great turmoil within Draal, who secretly totally had a crush on the human, even if that totally meant cooties. The turmoil was that he had to be macho and distant. Because that's what the ladies love. But... For the fate of the earth, without any other entity there to save him. Didn't the humans have a gun robot? Or guns? Preposterous.

"Alright," he announced, wondering why the alien ship hadn't blasted them to dust already. "But don't think anything of it."

 

She thought everything of it.

 

They kissed, which may have looked incredibly awkward, given he could fit her entire head in his mouth. But... they say true love's first kiss is magical. And it was magic indeed... in that the moment they locked wonderful lips, the alien ship immediately imploded. And then all of them did. That's right. The kiss was that damn powerful.

 

The earth celebrated, humans and trolls alike gathered together, finally knowing each other again, all because of two totally now dating individuals with kisses that could cause implosions of alien warships. Everything had gone to shit, and then everything was better.

 

Deep in the Darklands, a messenger told tale of the monumental event, and Gunmar looked to the messenger and said. "You know what, screw the surface. Those people are crazy. I'm good here."

 

And everybody lived happily ever after, even Jim, who was kicked out of the Darklands the moment Gunmar decided he didn't want to leave anymore.

 

The End... or is it?


End file.
